I am an involuntary celibate. On the internet some might also call us TFL(True forced loneliness), or forever alone. In layman’s terms, I am a loser who cannot get laid. At the age of 27, the same age my father had me, I have never kissed a girl. I lost my v-card to a professional in a brothel in Nevada at the age of 25. I post on a web forum full of dateless men like myself, in the sex crazed culture of the west.
Each one of us on the forum has a different story as to how did we became the way we are. As for myself, I have always been a shy and reclusive individual who lacked social graces. Conventional wisdom tells us that women are the less shallow of the sex, to get a girl you just need the confidence and the right personality for a girl fall in love with you. Unfortunately, a lot of times conventional wisdom is often 180 degrees out of sync with reality.
As I tried to conquer my shyness, participate in various social activities, getting out of my reclusive shell and meet people, all these attempts made no different. 2 years gone by, I am still incel (abbreviation for involuntary celibacy) and made no difference at all. I simply turned from a reclusive incel to a more social incel.
One day on the forum, another poster wrote his own story, which is similar to mine:
“I don’t understand why people tell me I should keep trying to find a
woman because I’m young (age 22) and it will happen. Oh really? I
didn’t know that people were psychic. I discovered the concepts of
love-shy and incel in 2005, when I first started college. Up to that
point I was super shy and drew no interest from any woman. Then I made
a point to try and change this, going out to clubs/bars, socializing
more, trying every combination I thought would help me break the
cycle. No matter what I have done, NOTHING HAS CHANGED! I’ve literally
tried everything, I reexamined the way I associate with women and
learned to read their signals of attraction, gotten advice from women
(big mistake) and men as to what I’m doing wrong, and the guys don’t
see what it is about me, and I know they’ve genuinely tried to help.
I’ve asked out women, I can’t even get a first date. I’ve never been
kissed or held a girls hand and I’m lucky if I can get a pity hug.
I’ve even stopped doing anything, in hopes that they would be
attracted to me by seeing my indifference, and I truly let myself not
bother with it at all, and that didn’t do anything either. Five years
of effort and nothing to show for it, so for those who say not to just
give up, why on earth should men in my position listen to you? It’s
only going to get harder as I get older and am around less women and
the stigma builds up even more. I don’t care what women say, most
don’t want 30 year old virgins, end of story. I want to teach so I’m
not going to be rich, so that option for attraction is out too. I also
refuse to pay for sex, too much money and hassle and I’d feel like a
complete loser if I did it (no offense to anyone here who pays for it,
that’s just my personal feeling). Plus, if all of a sudden women show
interest in me, years of failure have made me become love shy and I
wouldn’t even be able to advance the relationship, and any
relationship I were to have would suck and end quickly and I’d be
right back where I started.
Incel + love shy = hopeless
There seems to be this belief that you can quit at a certain point,
say at age 35 or whatever arbitrary point someone picks. Some may
believe you should never give up. Where are people coming up with
this? Why are they not examining the individual’s situation before
making statements like that? I must admit though, I am a natural
introvert who doesn’t want kids so I can actually be single and not
suffer, and I’ve been described as nice person by everyone who knows
me (major turnoff most of the time). Basically what I’m saying is that
if someone here is in my position or is likely going to be in my
position, just know that I understand where you’re coming from and
that you’re not alone. Accepting our fate is probably the best thing
for us. It is mathematically impossible for every consenting person on
earth to have sex. Some of us are just regular people who won’t
experience it and we should just deal with it, no matter what our age
You may ask then, why the hell am I even here? Well its been
comforting to know that I’m not the only one in this situation, and I
like the discussions (the board seems to have more high intelligent
people than most other boards, with some exceptions of course) and as
long as I’m welcome here I feel that I can contribute.”
the reply to that post came very surprising. It was made by a former incel, by the handle of NewHope who was successful in conquering his problem. He wrote:
“I think at this point you should seriously wonder if your looks might be a factor. I haven’t seen a picture of you, but by reading what you wrote, I’m assuming it is. This was my EXACT SAME STORY prior to looking back and realizing that I’ve done everything but fix my looks. Get a complete aesthetic overhaul, dude. Hit the gym hard, change your
diet and don’t stop until you have the body of a male model. Belive me, your luck WILL change!
Dating is almost ALL about looks, dude. When I was 22, I had never been kissed or held hands with a girl, either. I had ONE girlfriend when I was 25, and she wasn’t even that into me. She wouldn’t fuck me, but she sure was fucking guys better looking than I was…and then I found out about it and dumped her lol. After waking the fuck up and realizing that my problem was my looks, I lifted weights and dieted like my life depended on it, and it did, because I planned to kill myself if THIS didn’t work. Well, after a year of very hard work and very, very strict dedication, I went from being InCel and not attractive enough to even be worthy of being considered a human being by women, to fucking the hottest ones every
weekend. I only changed ONE god damn fucking thing, man. ONE THING made the difference between a total incel to being able to go out clubbing and fuck one new woman on Friday and another on Saturday, then booty calls during the week, no exaggeration (hell fucking yeah
I’m making up for what’s been denied to me for 30 goddamn years…call me a “man slut” if you want, but it’s a step up from before.) Women are NOT deep creatures AT ALL. Don’t believe the bullshit women tell you about why you’re not wanted…they just don’t want to admit they’re shallow as all fuck, not even to themselves.
In dating, the good looking guys get the girls and those that aren’t are left to suffer alone or spend their lives spitefully used by blood sucking, lying prostitutes-by-design who pretend to love you for your “inner beauty”. Love is an exclusive club for beautiful people only. No one else is worthy of it. An ugly couple is just mutual settling. Love is only for the beautiful in today’s shitty world.
Fortunately, beauty is made, not given. The male models you see in magazines are NOT born that way at all!! That’s the dirty little secret about that industry. Get in the gym and lift your way to a love life. Buff up and rip up (goal should be 190 lbs and 5 % bodyfat). Being a guy that women ACTUALLY WANT is neither about attitude or how much money you make, it’s how you look and nothing elses, no matter how much they swear up and down otherwise (it’s self-deluded
bullshit…women lie even to themseves).
Sorry to ramble on like this lol…I was in your exact same situation and the ONLY thing that helped was bodybuilding…not education, not therapy, not advice from friends, not getting a better social life (made friends with girls, but never girlfriends) or anything else I ever tried. Overhauling my looks was the ONLY thing in those 30 shitty
years that ever worked. the key to getting women is bodybuilding, plastic surgery and a good fashion sense.”
What he wrote struck a cord. It is the one thing that I am afraid of that is NOT the usual politically correct nonsense. The idea that maybe my involuntary celibacy has to do with my looks is way to inconvenient and even painful for me to accept. NewHope’s post might even come across as misogynist, but a lot of times, when the truth is spoken, personal feelings WILL get hurt.
Look at the photo of myself below
This is my graduation photo. I went to a 60% female college for 5 years, and left it a kissless virgin. I was never athletic, big apetite for greasy food and a sweet tooth left me very chubby with 32% body fat. I realized, looks are my problem.
The purpose of this blog, is that I will follow NewHope’s advice, on weight loss. I will update it monthly as I might will try the same, putting his theory to the test.
I am currently training in a MMA and Muay Thai gym that emphasize on intense cardio. I will work out 6 days a week and follow a strict diet of intermittent fasting. I will eat meals that involve fruits, veggies, nuts, beans, fish, and lean meats.
Because of my race as Asian in America, I might not break out of involuntary celibacy, but I will at least achieve weight loss