do men have inherent desire to seek validation from women?

11 03 2014

Building off of the previous post on the masculinity post. In many “men’s discussions” which ever that involves getting money or building muscles and fitness, it’s all part of “game” in pulling women. As we all know, the individuals that seeks the most validation from women are gamers/PUAs. In many of those “men” discussions, “game” seems to become the core of masculinity in our culture today.

I have noticed similar sentiments in myself, that when I don’t get validation from women I instinctive feel inadequate, and when I do get validation from women I feel good from it.

So my final question here is, do men have inherent desire to seek validation from women?

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8 responses

12 03 2014
mohamad( vegeta2)

validation from a woman is generally a pre-requisite to a healthy life. it”s hadwired in men, but in women its often an all consuming desire. think about it, A woman often goes out of her way to dress sexy(provocatively), put loads of makeup on, flirt, etc. and in the end they do so generally just to get male attention. Ive seen it over and over. girl is taken/has super high standards, and nevertheless ensares men with her charms only to reject him. women want/NEED attention, not dating. meanwhile the lonely men I have known( quite a few btw) have gone through great lengths to obtain validation/affection from women.

p.s. check your love-shy forum pms i sent you

vegeta2

12 03 2014
The Cockroach

Absolutely. Even (or perhaps especially) in so-called “men’s issues/rights” circles, who are some of the major principals? Karen Straughan, Helen Smith, Alison Teiman, etc.. According to James Huff, the radio director at avoiceformen.com, HoneyBadgerRadio (4 women talking about men’s issues) is the most popular show on their network. On puahate, I posted a link to a video about “thirst” among males in the gaming community.

Oh, and chaturbate is exhibit A for this.

12 03 2014
Tyrion Lannister

I’d say that it is likely that the social validation system evolved on the heels of more primitive dominance hierarchies that emerged to regulate access to mating and resources and to provide social stability within the group, called an ordered simplification of the inter-individual environment.

So most of incel men can’t lead a happy life without romantic/sexual relationships. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, humans need to love and be loved, both sexually and non-sexually, by others. Most men become susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety, and clinical depression in the absence of love, sex or belonging element. This need for belonging may overcome the physiological and security needs, depending on the strength of the peer pressure. A life with chronic near-total or total absence in intimate relationships or sexual intercourse is not going to satisfy your self actualization need, because simply it is an expression of the more evolutionarily fundamental need to reproduce.

Seen from a fundamentalist evolutionary sense, our sole purpose in life is to propagating our genes, and our needs are honed to relentlessly drive us in this direction. The first step towards procreation is in staying healthy and alive. This means finding food and shelter and, if necessary, beating other people in order to get it. Once we are reasonably secure, the next step towards procreating our genes is finding a mate (and doing the deed, of course).

Many studies suggest that mating acceptance can be sufficient to buffer those at risk of loneliness. Feelings of anger, frustration, self-doubt and even depression, are all invariably linked to mating exclusion ( living without sex & not having a partner). Moreover, a large body of research has shown that experiences of mating exclusion not only result in overall decreases in perceived belongingness and self-esteem, but also provoke a variety of other negative feelings (e.g., pain, distress, sadness, anger, loss of control).

13 03 2014
The Cockroach

Do either you or Paragon have a blog? Thanks.

13 03 2014
Tyrion Lannister

@ The Cockroach,

Yes, I’m just starting out my own blog recently:

http://tyrionlannister69.wordpress.com/

Anyway I’m not used to publish there due I get little or no traffic/comments, which would be a source of encouragement to posting regularly.

I appreciate your interest.

13 03 2014
survivingincel

your blog is an interesting read

19 03 2014
Thir d WorldHero

No, women seek validation from men.

However, it is prickly so we will use Asian-American females as analogy.

Asian-America girls seek validation ONLY from strong males of particular society (white culture), they care not about validation from less-social-value men (blacks and their own Asian men).

So in essence, Females only seek validation from desirable men.

“Does a wolf care about the opinions of a sheep?”
– Lannister

20 03 2014
Tyrion Lannister

@Thir d WorldHero,

I’m rather agreeing. Socio-sexual validity would refer to the assessment of the social significance of own competent performance on adjust-relative model, where women consider the mate value of men they are interacting with. If that target value is above a current preferential level, woman receiving the offer should raise her aspiration level in response.

If the man is below one’s current aspiration level, a proposal is to be expected and thus her aspiration level need not be adjusted. However, if the man makes no offer, she should respond by lowering her aspiration level.

This model leads to the most realistic patterns, and hence is what we would most expect to see empirically.

On the other hand, I’m aware that Asian guys living in mixed-ethnic populations are at a relative disadvantage. I mean most studies pointing out that Asians males generally receive lower attractiveness ratings than Caucasian males, e.g:

http://ccr.sagepub.com/content/42/3/248.abstract

and Asian women finding White, Black, and Hispanic men more attractive than Asian men, e.g:

http://faculty.chicagobooth.edu/emir.kamenica/documents/racialPreferences.pdf

Anyhow mating preferences (i.e. in this case of asian-americans women), and the resultant asymmetry, are not primarily attributable to a cultural bias.

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