I am wondering what you guys think:
Why is it that a lot of women who put up with physical and emotional abuse from bad boys have no trouble telling nice guy off for the slightest transgression?
Response from a woman:
With the ‘bad boy’ she is operating within a dysfunctional family dynamic — generally such a woman will have learned patterns of abusive relationships within her upbringing. This would most likely be how she has observed her father treating her mother and girls within the family. She will feel comfortable with this sort of behaviour, as bad as it might be. It is what she knows and her ordinary systems of coping (numbing out or compartmentalising are examples) will click into place whenever it happens.
As crazy as it might seem, a ‘nice’ guy treating this woman well with cause her to feel distressed and panicky. She does not have any emotional mechanisms for handling him. She might be thinking: ‘If I trust him, will he hurt me when I let down my guard? I better not let him see my vulnerability; I’ll attack him before he hurts me.”
Being able to trust someone when your life experience tells you that this is dangerous is daunting. A man dating this sort of woman needs to be patient and tolerate (to a point) her bad behaviour. By not reacting to it she will eventually realise that he is not like the problem man in her upbringing. She will start to let down her guard — well, hopefully she will. It depends on the degree of her insecurity. Undoing abusive situations is complex and can take years.
Be compassionate towards her. She is reacting to a bad history, not the nice guy. The reason why she can lash out in the west is because women’s rights are much stronger than in the developing world. She feels safer to act out towards a man.
In a more conservative society women will suppress expressions of anger because it is too dangerous to do otherwise (bad things, all the way to murder, happen in retailiation to a woman’s anger in places like India). If a man in the West did such a thing he will be censored and legal action taken.