love-shy vs. pure incel, the effects of feminism on both groups, message to my fellow Asians and Asian Americans

29 12 2012

Love-shyness, is a term coined by psychologist Dr. Brian G Gilmartin as a type of severe, chronic shyness affecting mostly heterosexual men where they cannot initiate or move forward when it comes to obtaining romantic relationship with the opposite sex. This is also called the male lesbian syndrome, or being the passive male, where the man simply desires to take the woman’s/passive role in a relationship. Such example of a love shyness is the school boy who doesn’t have the courage to ask the girl to the school dance, or even say hi to the girl he really likes.

Dr. Gilmartin’s works are one of the first and source I stumbled upon when I realized after leaving college that I am an incel and researched this condition.

Indeed, love-shyness can cause involuntary celibacy, but not all incels are love shy. Some incels can be quite bold and hit on every attractive girl he sees, but due to his lack of physical attractiveness he will always be rejected. The Loveshy Forum is a gathering place for many love-shy and incels alike. Once a homosexual forum member once wrote, “I see a lot of anti feminist attitude here on this forum, feminism encourages women to take the aggressive role in relationships and in life. Shouldn’t feminism have POSITIVE effects for love-shy men finding a romantic partner?

What he said is absolutely right, if and only if the man is GOOD LOOKING enough for women to aggressively pursue him. If you are a short, chubby, Asian love shy like myself, that would NOT work, and as I stated on my first post, shyness is NOT my problem. Indeed, those on the forum who found success, are good looking loveshys, not pure incels.

According to my traditional Asian upbringing, I was often told that when I obtain a higher degree in education and make a lot of money in a high paying stable job I would naturally attract women (those who are tired of banging hot bad boys and ready to settle with a provider to care for her bad boy spawns from different fathers). Indeed, due to radical feminism and sex revolution, where women are no longer economically rely on men, the tables are turned differently. I refuse to throw the hotdog down the Grand Canyon. Little do my parents know in today’s game-and-hook-up culture, to be successful with women is neither about attitude or how much money you make, its about how you look and nothing else. Physical attractiveness in males of the species is essential to survival, shown in nature as roosters with his comb and wattles, peacock and his colorful tail, lion and his mane. Yet we turn around to say looks don’t matter as women are not as visual, who are you trying to cheat and lie to?

It pains me very much that I see so many Asian kids in school buys into the BS the media and their parents tells them. They actually believe that just because you study like machines and get some As, you will have a good job and find a good wife, which is completely false. Diaboli once said, “It’s amazing to me that Asians’ autistic drive for educational degrees and money surpasses their most inherent desires”. I blame it completely on their upbringing.

According to Dr. Brian G Gilmartin, kids who has successful relationships have better emotional state, less stress, and improved performance in both academically and professionally. Most Asian parents would fight this to the death, but the truth is the truth no matter what your feelings are. My message to my fellow Asians and Asian Americans: If there is one thing I fully regret to this day, is that I took what my step mother told me to do very seriously, where I ignored girls and avoided relationships and studied in hard in school then got bad grades. If you are young enough to be in school, start dieting NOW, get into sports NOW, get into shape NOW, get a better sense of fashion via new clothes to fit your body after you get into shape. Don’t be shy, TALK to girls in your school, observe how they act. DON’T put them on the pedestal. As a girl you like out for tea or coffee and don’t be afraid to be rejected. Talking to girls,  getting and keeping relationships, and social skills takes a LIFETIME of training and experience. GET THEM NOW before you are my age. 

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10 responses

30 12 2012
Franklin

I have several issues with this post.

1. Looks are not all that matters. Every incel blames all incel on his personal problem. The short guy thinks height is all that matters. The fat guy thinks the body is all that matters. The guy with the ugly face thinks only the face matters. Etc. In fact, a combination of factors matter which include looks, immorality (highly valued in modern culture), stupidity (also valued), social status, and others.

2. Your parents are absolutely right that when you obtain a higher degree in education and make a lot of money in a high paying stable job you would naturally attract women. Just not American women. You would naturally attract women in any society where the feminist plague is not yet too strong. And these are the women you should want to attract, because these are the good women.

3. You urge men to try to fit in to modern culture in order to attract women. I urge the exact opposite, reject modern culture because it is sick and depraved. Get in shape, play sports, and eat healthy food for your health, not to attract degenerate feminist sluts. Go to prostitutes to satisfy your sexual needs until you have an opportunity to travel to a non-feminist country to find a wife. This is my advice.

30 12 2012
survivingincel

Frank, while you are full of wisdom and I would very much like to take your advice, the choices available to me is limited. I would very much like to learn spanish and go back packing in South America when I have the chance, or even travel South East Asia, as I advocate a lot of what you say in this blog.

As for my own problems, I AM obese, and I am on my way to solve it.

Another thing is that I was love-shy and I overcame it. Loveshyness/Passivity in men, and extremely prevalent amongst Asians and Asian Americans, is VERY BAD

The Asian upbringing want their kids to have this blind drive for education, incorrectly believing if you can perform well in school you will have a successful life, ignore everything else in your life and STUDY STUDY STUDY, is ABSOLUTELY WRONG. I am using the case study in Dr. Gilmartin’s book as reference on how young people involved in healthy relationships actually perform better in work and school.

As for going to prostitutes, since I will be going to school, I would rather work towards becoming physically attractive enough for no string attached 1 night stands than paying money for it.

2 01 2013
P Ray

You do realise that trying to appeal to people who consider you beneath their attention is a lost cause, right?
I am not saying stop improvement.
I am saying, only bother interacting with people … who treat you as a human being.

Your parents are absolutely right that when you obtain a higher degree in education and make a lot of money in a high paying stable job you would naturally attract women. Just not American women.
Women in Singapore have been researched to be more materialistic than American women. Read Norman Li.

You will actively be discriminated against, by people who see you as a human tool.
Trying to please them will kill you in the end.
Do some things that are out of the ordinary for someone in your position: I suggest a subscription to some lad magazines. Or just check them out online.
The important thing to remember is that bowing and scraping to women … make all of them think they can take advantage of you.

Turn shopkeeper and charge them for the privilege.
Either way, you get what you want … or you get to pursue other things.

1 05 2013
bogs

stumbled on this, and as Asian American myself I have something to share.I am 28 residing on northeast.

Im sure you’ve been told this but looks is not 100% solution. I wont give you the other components and their respective weights but i’ll offer you an insight: looks fade.

You have to at least hit the minimum looks requirement based on your geographic dating market. Meaning the minimum looks is not the same in US and in China. You may have social forces working against you in the US that lowers your score but may actually help you in China.

3 05 2013
survivingincel

glad to see another Asian commenting on this blog. I understood what you are trying to say, I know my place way too well as you read my other entries you will realize I encountered similar problems with FOB Asian women as well.

I knew my place very well and only went for Asian women. consequently they are the ones who also reject me the most.

A girl from China might want to marry me to get green card or US citizenship, more likely than not the bitch will divorce me and take half of my money once her agenda is achieved, if she is not attracted to me physically.

12 11 2013
Astrid

my boyfriend is an unemployed Asian American who lives with his parents. Personality is a big big thing.

13 11 2013
survivingincel

he must be exceptionally good looking, and have very rich parents, or you are one of the few individuals that has a thing for short chubby asian dudes

13 11 2013
survivingincel

having money is over rated, while having looks is under rated. Its the overall theme of the blog, and why I criticized the traditional Asian upbringing and why Asian parenting are creating a generation of incel men in the west

9 02 2014
sqchen

I understand your frustration but let’s say it depends on what your expectation is. If you want to be a womanizer and pick up girls all around then you need to work harder on a lot of things like your look and I suppose it is a big part of it in America. If you just want a wife then there are a lot of other ways to do it and getting rich is not a bad idea.

And I think that is what your Asian parents tried to tell you. They don’t really like and understand the hookup culture and they expected you to be a successful man, get married and have a family, all in a traditional way. Of course that will face a lot of problems in the US, and maybe a little different from your expect.

9 02 2014
survivingincel

in the west, Asians/Indians who excel in math and science are notoriously UNSUCCESSFUL in the realm of dating, and I don’t think its a coincidence. And your wife will cheat on ya.

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