After reading a thoughtful and somewhat controversial blog post by Indomitable Thoughts and the usual brilliant reply by fschmidt, it stirred up a lot of memories. I agree with what they say about the contemporary hook up culture and nightlife, certain ideas by fschmidt did not work in my case.
Years ago when I was still going to college, before I decide to will myself to become social and get in shape, I was the reclusive introvert who spent most of my time in my dorm, studying, chatting with people online, playing video games, and my favorite activity: jacking off to fantasies. I deliberately avoided the superficial party and club scene because I felt the same way as Indomitable Thoughts on contemporary culture. Then again, because of this, I left a 60% female school without a kiss after 5 years of being there. If I wasn’t Asian and I was better looking, maybe things might play out differently.
A few weeks for my graduation, this realization has hit me hard. I knew finding someone who would be into short chubby Asian guys like myself would not be likely. I asked my family to set me up with girls they knew. They set me up with two of them, who came to this country as students from the old country(my home city actually). It turns out the first girl said she’s not looking for anyone since she already dating someone (A Caucasian male of course), immediately I was friendzoned and she would sometimes chat and call me up to help her with her computer problems. The second girl was a real piece of work. Again we chatted online and talked on the phone a bit. When the school year started and she came to this country, I asked her if she want to meet up. I called her up once for a chat she was way too eager to excuse herself and hang up. She was obviously not into me.
Similarly, I met another Asian girl on Match.com (I was actually surprised I scored a date), and my experiences with her was the same. She even told me she felt stressful around me(a common sign for lack of physical attraction)
Think about it, my fellow nerds, why would a girl be too busy for a hot guy? If a girl is into you, she will climb mountains and cross oceans to get to you. If she is not into you, she will not care if you die in front of her. Like NewHope once said, most men never had women that attracted to them, so they wouldn’t know. All three girls I spoke of, are from a non-feminist country with conservative religious backgrounds, as all three go to Christian churches. Two of the three rejected me probably due to looks. None of them are the nightclub type, all of them new to the country, from a vastly different culture, and they rejected me just the same. I was not reject because I lack the ability to provide as I have a stable job. Its the dreaded L word that haunted me. I used to buy into the popular wisdom that its your attitude and personality that matters. I sincerely wanted to believe that because I knew looks is something I don’t have.
I knew now I have to make the effort to change, being a chubby reclusive introvert will NOT get me out of this. The nightlife/club culture is more global than most of your think. Today at me age of 27 most “decent women” have already settled down. Thus for me to actually find someone, it means I have to pick the left overs, the “slut” that’s been with a few men already, or a younger widow/divorcee. If the “bitch” tells me to fuck off, I will be incel again.
Becoming a Cad is the only option left for me. I am putting NewHope’s advice to the test. See how I do when I get a better fashion sense and NOT obese